dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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