Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
