420 ftw
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
