ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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