Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
