Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
