you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
