My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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