The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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