He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
