11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
