YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
