Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
