She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
