I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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