I think I am morally bankrupt
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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