ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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