i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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