the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
