I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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