wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
