do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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