..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
