I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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