best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
