lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
