Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
