Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
