grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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