you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
