1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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