i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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