i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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