My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize