he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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