i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
