i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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