I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
