pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
