I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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