the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i came on her dog
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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