he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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