M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need to sanitize my soul.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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