This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
