if i can run in heels then i can drive
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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