i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
