I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
