Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
