Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
