I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
