I CAN MOONWALK!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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